oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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