my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
