I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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