The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
