Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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