just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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