This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
