Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
