well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
