exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
