We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
