Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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