ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
