I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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