From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
