if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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