Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
