OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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