He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
