after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
