dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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