I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
