Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I want a musical about memes.
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