mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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