You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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