This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
