the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just cropdusted the office
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
