i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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