Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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