Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
