She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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