eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
