so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
this beer tastes like vomit already
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
