he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
