big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
