You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
3 2 1 whiskey
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
