Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
