Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
