when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
