I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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