oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
