Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
