How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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