I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
