she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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