My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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