I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
