I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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