i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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