I'm jealous of your bromance
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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